STROLLERS - DON'T LOOK BACK IN ANGER
As the nights draw in with alarming speed and a chill comes into the air, so another cricket season waves goodbye and puts its kit in moth balls ready for summer 1997. Strollers second best season of all time has drawn to a close, with impressive (if not quite as impressive as summer '95) figures of played 19, won 16, lost 3. "Lost 3!" I hear you cry. Well, unfortunately, yes. Following the sorrowful defeat at the hands of those feisty northerners, Sunderland Supporters Club, Strollers succumbed to two more tragic defeats.
The first came on 4 August at Chiswick, where we entertained the Atlanteans. The Men From Atlantis batted first, and clocked up an impressive score of 193 for 7, the few bowling honours being shared fairly evenly amongst the Strollers bowlers. In reply, Strollers were always going to struggle, especially when three batsmen were out for ducks (Messrs Connell, Lees and Reidy). Despite hearty efforts from Andy Dawson (34), John McGirr (21) and Charles Sampson (21), Strollers were all out for 124, slumping to the second defeat of the season by 69 runs.
Despite this set-back, however, it was not long before Strollers were once again on the victory trail. On 10 August, again at Chiswick, the Home Office turned up with a paltry six players. I know law and order is meant to be on the decline in London, but surely one would expect that more than six Home Office employees could get the weekend off to play a spot of cricket ? Strollers came to the rescue in true gung ho spirit, and Messrs McGirr, Attree and Perry were drafted in as Special Constables for the afternoon. After generously donating our best three players, Strollers bravely took to the field in this now nine-a-side match. The Home Office batted first and recorded a reasonable total of 130 all out. Nick Clark was the pick of the bowlers, with impressive figures of 4 for 11. Mr Clark was also the pick of the batsmen, as he knocked up 43 not out as Strollers reached 132 for 6 to claim victory.
Those stalwart ale imbibers of The Churchill Pub were the next visitors to Chiswick on 18 August. A shiver swept through the Strollers ranks on arrival, however, as seated in the sun waiting for the game to start was The Fug (spelt Thug), a nightmare from the past obviously back to haunt us. The Fug, real name Craig (an innocent little name that hardly suits him), is a rough looking man-mountain of a skin-head who bats like Botham, bowls like Truman, and swears, whinges and acts like McEnroe. The Fug is remembered in Strollers folklore for his alarming performances for the now defunct Hammersmith Blades. It was with trepidation, then, that the Strollers once again took to the field first to await their fate at the hands of The Fug's bat. Our fears, however, proved to be misplaced, as The Fug never looked comfortable and eventually was out quite cheaply. Despite this, The Churchill knocked up an impressive total of 172 for 9 off their 40 overs, the main bowling honours going to John McGirr with 4 for 16. A tall order for Strollers, then, but with impressive knocks of 61 from Mauler Matthews and 37 not out from Skipper Connell, Strollers were triumphant in victory reaching 174 for 6. The Fug, incidentally, has apparently calmed down since the old days following the birth of his son, and left the game early (after an almost charming bowling display), to go home and feed his little boy's pet rabbit and watch a Thomas the Tank Engine video.
The men from Haberdashery and Home Furnishings, John Lewis, were our next visitors to Chiswick on a sunny 1 September. In a cunning twist of the norm, Strollers actually batted first on this occasion, with John McGirr carrying his bat for an outstanding 84 not out. Ably supported by Paresh "Qadir" Manier (39) and Alan "Nice White Shoes" Hughes (26 not out), Strollers piled up an impressive score of 189 for 6. In another bizarre twist of the norm, John Lewis actually tried to win the match and went for the runs, but in the end the target was beyond them and they ended up with 166 for 9 off their 40 overs. Bowling honours went to Calbert "Howzat!!!" McLean with 2 for 22 and White Shoes Hughes with 2 for 27.
The next visitors to Chiswick were the Bombay Ducks on a glorious Indian Summer Sunday 15 September. Although Bombay Duck is dried fish eaten as a relish (especially with curry), the Ducks certainly didn't relish their encounter with the Strollers, who batted first and amassed a mighty total of 197 for 8 (John Clark - Nick's big brother - 37, Charles Sampson 35, Ian "Ruby" Curry 26, Nick "Yes, Prime Minister" Matthews 25). This was always going to be too much for the Ducks, who put up a valiant effort but were all out for 135 off 32 overs (Mauler Matthews 2 for 23, Howzat!!! McLean 2 for 18 and Tangerine Dream Lupton 2 for 43).
And so to the final game of a long, arduous season, which saw Strollers travelling to Stoneleigh Park and Cuddington on a cold, overcast 22 September. The dodgy pitch was more akin to The Somme than The Oval, and the Stoneleigh boys, still smarting from their thrashing earlier in the season, drafted in a ringer opener, who proceeded to score a rampant century in their total score of 170 for 4. What little bowling honours were on offer went to John McGirr with 2 for 27. After a Perryesque tea, it was Strollers turn to bat, and boy were we awful. A catalogue of poor shots, unsighted balls in poor light and consistent bowling saw Strollers slump to an embarrassing 57 all out. Top scorer was a Mr E. Xtras with 16. Oh dear.
And there we have it. Another season over. Not quite as euphoric as last year, but, like a Perry tea, generally satisfying in the end. So now as we contemplate the winter months ahead, huddled against radiators with bowls of scolding hot broth, we can dream of Mini Scotch Eggs, Fondant Fancies and Mr Kipling's Cherry Bakewells and the prospect of summer '97, a new cricket season and another golden chance to sample the delights of Mr Perry's exceedingly good teas.